DanceSafe

Tips and Pointers

You can't dance the same way with everyone. It is important to understand each person's dance level and how well you know each other. Speak up if your partner makes you feel uncomfortable.
Respect your partner and their boundaries, don't do any moves, or intimate touching that could make them feel uncomfortable.
If you are waiting for a dance with someone, please don't follow them around the dance floor. Wait until between songs to ask them.
Don't apologise for feeling uncomfortable, everybody is different, and only you know how something makes you feel.
Don't assume the worst. If something happens once and you address it, try to deal with it in a nice and friendly way, it might have been an accident. If it happens again you may need to talk to our Venue Manager or contact us.

Until you know that someone has been a regular dancer in Christchurch for at least three months, we recommend that you:

do not disclose personal details nor ask for contact details.
do not accept nor offer invitations to meet outside of classes or events unless in a group.

If you feel uncomfortable in any way then please talk to a member of the crew such as the Venue Manager or Deb and Matt.

Emotional Wellbeing

Thank you to Fiona Clapham Howard of Crucible Consulting NZ for the following guidelines

Being safe means looking after not only your physical safety, but also your emotional wellbeing as well as your social health - your reputation and standing in our dance community.

Dancing modern jive is a highly social experience. There's nothing wrong with making social connections and friendships at classes. Some people get even closer, maybe dating for a while before moving on, while others have met their life partners through dance classes.

The touch and the closeness, the emotional tone of the music, can all combine to make us feel a sense of intimacy and connection with someone. However, it's important to be realistic about how little you really know about someone, just from the time you spend with them at dance. You've only met them so far in one pretty limited context - to build real intimacy takes time and experience of each other in many different situations.

We strongly recommend you take time to get to know people slowly, before moving into any one-to-one situations, particularly being alone in private with each other. This applies both to asking others to be alone with you, as well as agreeing to spend time alone with someone. For instance, accepting a ride in someone's car, or inviting them into your home.

Our advice is that if you want to get closer to someone you've met through dance, take the time to experience them in group settings outside of Fevah classes first. When you first spend time alone with them, make sure it's in a public place, e.g. a cafe, or going for a walk in a populated area.

Taking your time means you can test that sense of intimacy you feel with them. Is it consistent in different situations? Do they treat you with the same respect and care away from the dance floor? What about if no one's looking?

Red flags:

Being invited to spend time alone with someone very quickly after meeting them at Fevah - a respectful and genuine individual will be willing to get to know you slowly and safely.
You believe you are in a close relationship with another dancer, but they never leave or arrive at Fevah with you, and they don't let other dancers see you being physically affectionate with each other.
A dancer who needs alcohol to have a good time - while a little bit can help people relax in social settings, it also takes the edge off the care and attention needed for good partner dancing, and can make dancing frankly unsafe for many reasons.

Appropriate / Inappropriate Behaviour

Appropriate Behaviour

Smiling is pretty good, but take note - if someone smiles at you it means they're having a good time, it doesn't necessarily mean they like you as a person or want your phone number.
While learning a new move a leader may have a blank expression while they try to work out what to do, so they may not smile even if they are having a good time.
Eye contact - balance is the key here, no need to stare someone down but also we don't want to blank our partner.
Dancing is a great way to be expressive and creative: have a go at acting out the mood of the music; listen to the lyrics and share with the person you're dancing with. The acting out should end when the music stops.

Inappropriate Behaviour / Harassment

Unwelcome or harassing behaviour is not tolerated at any of our classes or events. Harassment can be committed by people in different capacities such as dancer to dancer, dancer to staff, staff to dancer and staff to staff. If you are experiencing harassment outside of our classes or events then please contact the police or the relevant organisation.

The recipient decides if certain behaviour is classed as harassment.

Harassment covers a range of verbal and/or physical behaviour of a nature which is unwelcome, unsolicited and not reciprocated. Below are some examples of harassment:

Offensive or derogatory remarks about a person's race, colour, religious beliefs, gender or sexual orientation
Questions and comments about one's private life
Suggestive remarks, inappropriate jokes, abuse, leering
Unwanted and deliberate physical contact not related to maintaining a connection required for partner dancing.

If you feel you are being harassed in any way then please talk to a member of the crew such as the Venue Manager or Deb and Matt.

Reporting an Incident

If you can tell the person concerned then these words can help:

"That makes me feel uncomfortable"
"Too close thanks"
"I hope that was an accident"
"That better have been an accident"
"I'm not ok with that"

If you do not feel comfortable telling the person concerned then please talk to our Venue Manager - ideally before you leave the venue. Some matters can be resolved quickly where there has been a misunderstanding of something genuinely innocuous.

No incident is too small - the sum of small things is the same as something big
You are not "rocking the boat".
We can protect your confidentiality
Not speaking up condones inappropriate behaviour
If someone is behaving inappropriately do you want them to continue?

How We Respond

We're discreet, fair and experienced in handling the incidents that can arise. To help resolve issues we may:

Ask you for further details and written confirmation that can be referred back to. This helps to ensure consistent communication while the complaint is being followed up.
Write an incident report that can be referred back to later in the future if need be.
Ask you if we can approach the person who has made you feel uncomfortable and possibly bring both sides together to discuss what had happened.
Aim to get both sides of the incident and talk to any witnesses if available / applicable.
Report back to you if would like us to.

Please bear in mind it can take several days or even weeks to fully deal with an incident as we aim to talk to people in person.

Outcomes and Resolution

Fortunately most incidents are misunderstandings and / or genuine accidents and are quickly resolved.

If the complaint is not resolved satisfactorily for either party or if there is no progress due to a lack of willingness by both parties to discuss the matter then,

we may ask both parties to stay away from classes and events until they are ready to discuss the matter
we or either party may refer the matter to the police

Maintaining a Fair Perspective

What we perceive is our own "truth" and the truth that others perceive may well be different from our own. This makes our life (and that of any similar organisation) quite challenging at times as often we can get conflicting sides to the same story.

Using social media to publicly broadcast an event before we've been able to get to the bottom of an incident can not only make it harder to reach a resolution but also if done by a third party can negatively impact the victim's desired outcome.

We also need to guard against false and/or unsubstantiated accusations made against innocent people. Such accusations themselves may be classed as harassment.